Am I wasting my time???

25 August 2022 10:39

I apologize for my absence in posting lately. I've been taking some mental health time trying to get back to the excitement and enthusiasm of the first week or so when I started this blog. I think I'm just feeling like this is going to be something else I have failed at. I've tried 3 times to get approved for Google AdSense and every time they send me an email saying that my site isn't ready yet. I'm just feeling defeated. I feel myself spiraling and I'm trying to keep myself uplifted but it's just not working. I wasn't expecting thousands of readers, but I have none. Most people check out the site but that's about as far as they make it. So, what am I doing wrong??? Is it because it's just me blabbing and not being informative??? Am I posting too much???

I wanted this to be like a real-life blog a place where people connect not just read one post and dip. Maybe I missed the mark and people aren't into that anymore. Maybe I just picked the wrong type of blog. I need to figure out what I am doing here. I haven't even made one episode for the podcast yet because I couldn't even settle on a name. I don't want to be like everybody else and have a name that is just like everybody else. I want a name that stands out and lets you know what the podcast is about. I guess I should just stick to the name I've named everything else. I've been brainstorming for days, and I have nothing. I know this blog was good for something at least for me. I'm getting my feelings out because I was almost in tears when I got that email. I'm not going to give up just yet maybe this is just a sign that I'm not ready yet. Like there is still more work to be done.

I think I need to sit down and get my ideas down on paper of how I want everything to work like plan out the posting schedule and then go from there. I still have the equipment that I need as I move on with the Youtube and the podcast, but I've got what I need to at least get started. I changed the logo up a little I don't know I guess I just have too much going on in my head but no clear plan, so I just keep tweaking the blog site. I need to just tackle one thing at a time instead of getting overwhelmed with the whole thing at once. I know what the blog needs and that is to start posting informational posts along with personal posts and to make some forum posts. Which the blog will be every day posting. Youtube is basically like the blog but in video form. It’s the editing that will be the most time-consuming, so I need to plan the posting schedule. I’m thinking maybe one or twice a week.

Now that I’m sitting here thinking it all out. I don’t know why this is overwhelming me so much. It’s the podcast that will be the thing that I need to work out. What content is going to be available on the podcast? I know that I want to have people come on and talk with me sometimes. I honestly wish I could have two blog feeds on the website. Like one for personal and one for informational. I wonder if I could just do like subcategories in the one feed. I think that will be what I work on today. I need a tagline and to also work on the blog feed. I might even look into putting up another post tonight that is more informative.

I wish I could have some other writers come on the blog and write. Maybe even share some poetry. I have a friend who writes poetry from time to time. I could see if he would let me put up some of his poetry. I honestly haven’t been sleeping well and I know it’s just stress and everything getting to me so I need to get on a schedule with the kids so I can get everything done and get to bed at a decent time. The depression is creeping back up to a level that I don’t like and can’t function at. When that happens, my kids suffer because I’m not the mom that I want to be nor the mom that they need. Yes, I’m still there but it’s very hard to do the things that need to be done. I haven’t cooked in weeks everything is pretty much fast food and tv dinners. I haven’t done any laundry in longer than that and they are getting pretty low on clothes now.

Starting tomorrow the goal is to start getting the house back in order. Get back on my meds and start actually living my life instead of just existing. Please don’t judge me I’m trying my best and I’m only being this open so that I can help others that may be going through this. I would love to find people like me to connect with so I can stop feeling so alone or at least feel more comfortable in my skin. I know I find it hard to get into a better head space when I don’t have people who understand me and what I’m going through to talk to. Well, I got to get started on a few things while I wait for the kids to get up.

Unapologetically,

K