Confession: I Miss My Kids...

22 July 2022 19:46

I'm sitting here with no kids and I feel so lost and lonely. I know as a parent that is somewhat normal but they haven't even been gone that long. I walked them out to my mom's car and as soon as I came back in I just didn't know what to do. I have to pack for my annual training and I should be cleaning but I don't feel the motivation to do either of these things. As I am writing this post I'm also on TikTok Live and I'm starting to realize that I think this started after I came back from deployment. Being gone for that year was fun but also hard because I missed out on so much in the kids' lives.

I don't wanna say I have an unusual bond like I don't wanna be everywhere they are or like controlling their whole life. I'm happy for them to be doing things without me. I'm just saying that I don't have any other identity outside of being a mom. I've spent almost half my life and the majority of my time doing it and I never really got to figure out who I am outside of that. I think by doing this blog I'm learning so much about myself and it's honestly helping me to work out a lot about things I have been wanting to work on. I'm going to come back to this later I'm not concentrating on it and losing my train of thought.

23 July 2022 05:55

I wanted to finish this post before drill I forgot I drafted it. I feel super happy that I'm now connecting with the world and everything that is going on in it. I feel a passion to share my views and pay attention more than I ever had before. I can't just sit in my house with the curtains closed and present that everything that is going on doesn't affect me or my children. That's like just putting my head in the sand or living under a rock. I never realized how free I feel coming into my own. Living under my views of who I am and who I choose to be instead of living how I feel others want me to. Well, I seriously gotta get ready for first formation I'll hopefully be able to post later.

Unapologetically,

K