How is your mental health today???

27 July 2022 01:24

I just wanted to make this short because I need to sleep. I won't go into everything in this post because that part is currently being written in another post but I just need to write my thoughts and feelings to hopefully feel mentally and emotionally stable enough to sleep. I think the whole reason I am having such a difficult day is that I haven't talked as openly as I am now so there are lingering emotions that need to be dealt with. I am honestly very happy I created this site of mine. Even as tough as the stories will be this will help me to move past all the hurt and trauma.

I was talking to a friend from when I was overseas and telling her about the guy I met there and he told me she tried to warn me about him. She knew almost a year ago what he was doing. She was dating someone in his unit and they are still friends so that's how she found out. She said she didn't just tell me because she was trying not to hurt me. I wish she would have just told me from the beginning because for the last 2 years I've been still completely in love with him hoping we would eventually get back together. Come to find out he was a liar. I took all the blame and guilt for our break up. Tearing myself down not understanding why I would ruin the one good relationship I ever had and come to find out he was mature enough, to be honest about the real reason he broke up with me.

I am emotional but I keep it inside and that guilt I me feel like no one will ever love me or that I would always be alone. I keep beating myself up. Who cheats on someone like I did when they appear to be the best man I had ever dated in my life? This will have to be good until tomorrow because my eyes are crossing I'm so tired so drafting this post too.

27 July 2022 20:03

Well, today was rough at training I'm still having some residual effects from all the emotional stuff I poured out last night in the first post about my adoption. Plus they just need to give my commander something to do he is constantly trying to find things for me and my soldiers to do when we already have enough on our plates. Trying to look good for the other higher-ups I guess. The thing is that in my opinion, he is just making it harder for us because I am not getting anything done. I start a lot of things but I am always stressed and under pressure to finish. When every other soldier in my squad leaves me and Aria are still there trying to finish getting ready for the next day. Now that our Battalion Commander is coming back from the field he decided that tomorrow we get to go on a ruck march. I don't mind the ruck because I do need to do some kind of exercise, but make it when it is convenient for me. I could probably be done with all my tasks if he would let me finish something before throwing another task at us.

I wish mental health days were a thing in the military because I just need a break just for one day. I guess that is not a thing though now I see why military people are messed up. I know I am and I know I was before joining but the military made it worse. Well, I have a million things to go for all my social media and I have at least 1 maybe 2 more parts for my adoption story so I better get it done so I can go to bed.

Unapologetically,

K