Misery loves company

1 August 2022 18:53

It's been a crazy busy couple of days. I intended to post speechless 2 days ago but I fell asleep and then I wasn't home last night so I'm kinda running behind but that's life stuff happens. Now on to today It wasn't a bad day I just didn't feel very productive at training. I think I'm just super tired and mentally worn out. So I did what I needed to do for myself but I just need a day off like an at-home day off. I can't wait for this week to be over. I'm tired now I think I'm gonna sleep in my bed tonight. I haven't since training started and the kids have been gone but my body needs some real relaxation.

Hopefully, I'll start putting out video content for the youtube channel this weekend. My ring light should be here tomorrow :-) If y'all are looking for a ring click my link here and use my code 7B0F6AFB6B7 to save 10% off. By using my link I will receive a commission if you choose to make a purchase. So I'll probably wait for the kids to get home from my mom's house. This has felt like the longest training I have ever had. Plus I can't post as much on my social media pages because then the higher-ups get upset that we are home and having a good time. which is not my fault that they didn't need me to go to the field. So you're mad that I'm home and not miserable??? I'm not saying that being in the field is miserable all the time we have fun there too. I just saying that if roles were reversed I wouldn't be mad that the people staying at home station are having fun.

I just registered for oldest Malice for school which starts next week. I'm concerned about her graduating on time she was doing so well before she moved schools. I hope she buckles down this year. I don't want her to make the same choices or mistakes I made. I wasn't a bad student but I was doing too much in my last year of school. I just want her to do better than me. Who knows if I don't get back to work soon maybe I could go back to college and work on getting a degree in something that will hopefully help me improve my life. That is partly why I enlisted to try to make my kids proud and to better our lives.

I wonder what about myself attracts negative things. Do I just have bad luck??? Is it bad karma??? I like to think I'm a good person but maybe that's what the problem is. It's that all the bad people see how good of a person I am and want to take advantage of my kindness. I think that makes complete sense. I'm not trying to toot my own horn I'm not saying I never do any wrong. I'm only saying that I do more good than bad and because I try to give people a chance especially when I care about them they take advantage of my generosity. I could be wrong I could be only looking at it from my perspective. I know y'all don't know me well enough to say. I know I can't be the only person to have gone through things like this. It's mostly in my dating relationships not my friendships. Most of my friendships just tend to fizzle out. I'm not a good friend most of the time.

I say that because I don't call all the time or be able to just meet up for a random lunch on a Tuesday. I will be there when you need me though. I'm glad the true friends I have understand that or they probably would have stopped being my friend a long time ago. That is what I strive to be for the readers of this site. I wanna be the friend to y'all like my friends are to me. I struggle so much with my mental health especially since I had my last son. Maybe everything I've gone through in the last few years is finally opening my eyes to the fact that I need to make some life changes and start living for myself.

2 August 2022 21:53

As per usual I fell asleep while writing this so here I am tonight not completely sure where I was going next with this post. I am so worn out from this training and can't wait until it's over. I had a really good day today though. Pulled a few pranks on my commander all in good fun of course. I'm looking forward to the kids coming back in a few days. Being enlisted isn't all bad all the time my MOS is just really tedious and mentally tiring more than physically tiring. Overall I wouldn't trade the last almost 13 years for anything because I have made so many memories and met my 2 very best friends. I don't like the missing milestones in my kids' lives but that's just how it works out sometimes. Well, I better finish my other post from last night, and possibly I'll come up with something new in the process.

Unapologetically,

K